Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Tingled Passion

Tell me how many beads there are....

In a silver chain,

Of evening rain,

In the December snow,

And the diamond glow,

In the burning tar,

And threading the eye of a yellow star,

In the seed’s womb,

In the princess’s Tomb,

In the yelling voice,

In the mass-rejoice!

Oh! Tell me how many beads there are...

In a silver chain,

Of evening rain,

So many times do I love again!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

A 17-year old recluse.

Solitudinarian Mephistophelian.

That's some word that describes me true.A confounded 17 year old emaciated adolescent. Life, to her, is next to nix. She knows how to dissipate it...worthlessly. But since ever, in her heart, she knows... she's been a saphead.She was a prenominal scholar....once....unsurpassed....with an avidness to reach the zenith.She had this requisite detest for masses which tried to adjudicate her solemn travail to work...hard and harder!~

After my first few lines are well imprinted, in the minds of anyone who reads them, as a joke, I shall commence with all the other abstract things I have to say.

I was and am a genuine girl.I wont blout about saying "im popular among guys" but i hate myself when i am being discussed among a group of pathetic losers.Most of the guys i met or meet....are hapless!The others...are good....just good...so they're my friends.When i meet a guy..the first feeling is so warm that it doesnt even lemme think about him like the other way...at that point of time i'd rather want him to be my friend...the maximum.

But yes. I love. I do love. And love more. I think it keeps me alive. I don’t know what sort of love I’m talking about. Not specifically the family love, the parental love, the brotherly or the sisterly love, the spiritual love, not even the funny infatuated teenage love. I guess i live love. Why? Sometimes when you don’t know the meaning you move towards an answer and patiently wait for it to take form.But for all rest things..I hate.

U surely might think that im superficial.Most of them do.Just because i dont talk much they think im fake.Im some haughty pimp..an attention seeker..the biggest confession i have ever made is that i live a dual life...yes i do...and im so much happy with it that i dont want it to change..ever...nor wud i want mingling up of things.. Because both the cosmos's are true...factual in every damn sense...The latter part that is vulnerable to most of the people is less liked though....BY ME.

Recalling that extra-studious nerd, her life changed only when she topped her tenth board examination. She retrieves the casualties involved in the process and finds there were many. She used to plunge into that 20x18 cream walled room for hours and hours deeply dissolved in her books.

She knew nothing...of guys, of parties, of fun, of sluts, of beaches, of moonlight, of candles, of obssession,of money,of sarcasm,of wit,of ecstasy,of rain,of the orchids....She knew about books.Mention her a line...She'd tell you the page number: She'd answer any social study question....but couldnt answer life.

Her life then changed. Totally. One single day, and she was never the same girl. The tenth board results were out. Her prayers were answered! She had excelled. Happy.

Life..as one knows it! It took her to a well-known; rather elite school of the city, not to forget a girls one. She had been neural and affright and what not! As i remind myself...the day proved to be the best one of her life! She met 7 sorcerours. And Bingo! She knew what life was...

Not even Zeus can put into words what her life was for the next one year! She flunked her eleventh with no regrets. She'd changed. She knew what it was to have fun. That there were better things in life than becoming a geek. She had her priorities changed. Her whisms endured. She knew the meaning of friends. And school.

An incident and everything changed! Her world changed. Again. Yet again. To this damn day she doesnt know whom to blame. She does that to herself. She had not acted wisely...bleh! Wisely is such a big word! She had acted ludicrous. Nonsensical. Preposterous. Inane. The World's most wanted loser!:)

She's been fighting. Ever since. I think it's vindicated myself. Because life gives and takes. She took her friends and gave her love. A man who helped her out to survive and face the world again. A man she can never forget. Never in her life and aboard. God had been merciful! Generous. A man who made her rethink what her mother was to her and who made her resolve out of attaint and trauma both!

So far...she feels her life has been colourful...! Some shades of blue and a lot of pink. Even if she loses everything, she knows she'd gain emptiness. She knows the value of having a human life! Laughter, cry, joys, sorrows, trust, pain...she knows what all of it actually means and enjoys having the same!

A thought... to people who find life difficult, and think they are miserable... revive some of the moments of your life...moments that cease to non-exist. People who've been angelic to you...even if they've turned dogs now...there was a point of time you loved life, and trust a dying man, there will come another!


The fragrance of the beloved~*~

Yer essence lyz deep beneath
Luk in ma heart itz here!
Evn iv u say u wer neva myn
It’ll olways lie there!!

Ma hands tremble when I touch flowerz,
N I shake wit fear insight ov trust,
Uve made meeh weak n smothered meeh,
And u say “lets part…its must!”

Um neva gonna fuhget those flowerz,
Nor the drives,chats in the nites,
Nor the ring which spkz ov luv n mistrust,
Nor those tiffs those qute fyts@!

I love u n the world will kno!
I love u n tht um gona show!
I love u n will do until I finish!
I love u n I’ll neva let’u go!!

Open yer eyez n lisn to yer soul,
How can u fuhget the old for new??
Or else cum n kill meeh….stab ma heart
Cuz I cant…jus cant liv widout u!!!:(

But none can eva kill tis essence,
In evy corner ov ma heart its knit,
Evy breath ov myn speaks ov ur love,
And afta mee ma grave will speak ov it!!



Now this one is real special....written by a very special friend....he wrote them three for me.... We talk nomore...but this is a real prized possession:)


Could I have a dream.......
To sit wid you for a while........
Could I have a dream........
To make u happy n see u smile........

Could I have a dream........
To eat ice-cream wid u honey........
Two of us n just 1 cup, wid 1 spoon........
I hope I sound romantic n not funny.........

Could I have a dream.........
2 walk wid u for a mile.........
I know u’ll find it weird........
But to me my dreams don’t sound futile….

Could I have a dream........
To lay flowers wherever u sit….
Hey...common now….I was kidding...
Just don give a damn to it.........

Could I have a dream..........
Wid u on my lap..........
My arms around u........
N I just hope not 2 expect a slap..........

Cud I have a dream 2 be Ur hubby……….
The very thought just makes me so happy…….
Give it a chance sweetheart……
I promise, ill manage the child n his nappy……

Cud I have a dream to hug you once…
N sum where even u wanna I suspect…..
Coz sumwhere u like me….
Well, what to say…..thats my effect….

Cud I have a dream …….
To tightly hold u!
Coz sum1 has truly said that……….
Real friends are very few……..

Cud I have a dream that Ur arms will be there…..
When it wud be the time 4 me to fall…….
Coz after those precious moments……Perhaps ill have no1 as sweetheart to call……


u neva tuk nythn to meanings~
neva realised i told u muh feeling~
neva accepted the fact that i luved u~
neva trusted on de heartiest dealing~

u tuk it as a joke...now and then,
u said i felt lyk a stoopid kid,
u thought itz ol to be sumfin hillarious,
neva scratched the luv i hid!

u broke muh heart several tymz,
u didnt evn kno that i was crying~
ur seperation was sumffin i loathed to hell~
smile on de face~but muh heart was sighing~
but in de end i want u to kno~
the trust u gave me~i'll break it-neva!
i'd lie in the grave but wud neva lie~
i'd remain numb~and silent foreva!

so it has to be you!!
the first smile...the first hand~
ask yer heart...jus ask it once
n lemme kno...where do i stand:):):)!



U were there weneva I wanted,
U were there wen da day was dark,
U were there wen ppl taunted,
U were there to lite up with a spark!!

U were there for sharing ol da bad,
U were there to sweeten up ma day,
U were there to make mee feel glad,
U were there for mee to pray!!!

I’ll fight with God for mee u said…..
U said I’ll olways be beside,
Now wat do I do um reely afraid,
Cuz no one’s there for mee to guide……..

Um lonely unhappy waiting still!!
Will wait till da the last air I take,
Hopes are strong regrets are nil….
Come back….ma love…..for God’s sake!!!

Just hold ma hand lyk u did before,
And take out ol da bitterness from inside,
And wipe ma tears n make mee sure,
U’ll olways be the one—ma LUV, ma GRACE, and ma PRIDE!!!!!!


I'm just a little feller,

Who didn't quite make it there;

I went straight to be with Jesus

But I'm waiting for you here.

Don't you fret about me mommy

I'm of all God's most blest;

I'd have loved to stay there with you

But the Shepard knows what's best.

Many dwelling here where I live

waited years to enter in,

struggled through a world of sorrow

and their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet mommy don't you sorrow

wipe those tears and chase the gloom,

I went straight to Jesus' Bosom,

from my lovely mothers womb.

Thank you for the life you gave me,

it was brief but don't complain;

I have all of heaven's glory suffered

none of earthlings pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me,

I'd have loved to brought it fame

but if I'd lingered in earth's shadows

might instead have brought it shame.

The first Loner....

I loved it wen u called hey gurl,
Mah heartbeat fastened and took a swirl,
I used to smile n blush n curl,
I knew I’d treasure u lyk a pearl.
And then those drive long and alone,
And those sweet chats on da phone’
And those flowers smelling so sweet,
And those feelings so pure, so neat!
But this is not done…n this is not fair,
How did u think tat I didn’t care?
I cared….I did n I did realize
And the happiness deep in mah heart still it lies…….
Wat was mah fault???
That mah feelingz were left unexpressed
The pleasure untold wen u caressed,
Did that mean that I didn’t love u?
Olwayz I thought that u olways knew…….
That u r the one I adore,
Nothing in this whole world will I love more
Than u who means life to meeh
U didn’t knoe and u let me free……..
But today I feel like echoing the unspoken,
I still love u but mah heart is broken,
I won’t die if u don’t come back
But livin would be dreadful cuz life will lack……
N tears wud be my dear friends
Jus giv me back mah life I lend
Or cum back n urself witness
Mah life is no more than a mess……..
Ill wait n wait n wait for long
For u to come back n move along
Hands in hands as we did
N leave no sorrow not a bit…….!!!!!!!

The Rise……

Farthest from a bud to bloom,
Farthest from a bird to fly,
Farthest from a love to fulfill,
Listen to meeh……oh world I cry!

And yes my eyes do speak!
Look into them just don’t feel shy,
But my lips are dumb…very silent,
Listen to meeh……oh world I cry!

What shuns mah soul is your presence,
And what kills it is the mumbled lie,
But mah lips are dumb…very silent,
Listen to meeh……oh world I cry!

What hampers meeh is the steep commotion,
Just looking at the sky with a sigh,
But silly are the people amongst,
Listen to meeh……oh world I cry!

But then mah heart realizes what’s true,
What’s mah old and what’s new,
Am no more dumb, no more silent,Listen to meeh oh world I smile!!!!!!!!!:)

Gimme some more...

often to hear....
often to say.
often to curse....
often to pray.
often to love....
often to hate.
often to fight....
often to apologise.
often to truth....
often to lie.
often to sorrow....
often to glee.
often to you....
often to me:)

somethings left UNSAID.
some feelings left UNLAID.
some more CARe to show.
some more LOVE to grow:)
some more sieving tears.
some more haunting fears.