Anew

No, it doesn’t seem like yesterday at all,

Because every moment has counted since the day of your depart

No I’m no more scared to say that you’re dead,

And no, I’m still not on the verge of the overrated new start.

They ask me where were my tears and worry,

I tell them they dried in the winds of February

They ask me why I was so shameless

I said just ‘cuz it never feels painless.

For it’s been days and each day reminds me more

Of how much you were needed and wanted still.

My soul is matt dark with the deepest hole

An empty space no one can fill.

Still I’ve been trying and I’ve been trying so hard

To fit in the red, pink and blue in the vacant part.

It just won’t work anymore ma!

There’s always a fist clenching my heart.

It’s just that people say it goes with time and around.

What they don’t know is that the secret evil is here to stay.

It’s not the pain that is slowing down

It’s the memories that are fading away.

Sucker for love

Sucker.

Sucker for love.

For that warm feeling beneath the stomach. For that feeling that you get when you’re on a giant wheel. For that envelope that protects you from the world. I mean how can a person fall back into those treachery traps again! Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me nice.

I do not understand the urge to get back to being dependant on someone. I do not get it why it is so important to have the tears and the drama and the promises come back to my life. Why is it that while the world moves on, I still love how the past was!

Its worse when you know it isn’t right. I mean I’ve made my mistakes. I know now. Things that can build a relationship easily at the start are the reasons why they fall back down.  I just do not get it! Why would I still be searching for a perfect opportunity of making a fool out of myself, yet again! Why can I not learn from mistakes, mine and others’? I think I’ve seen quite enough to decide that letting someone own you is not worth it. Then why do I still want it? Why do I still want to be held and told that I am their belonging? That I am the center of their world and that they care.

I think it’s just because of some simple reasons. We all are suckers for love. We all find ways to quench our thirst of being needed, being wanted. Some succumb to the mishap of that thing called love. Some find relief in certain other ways, like being the best at your work makes people admire you. Or like having dog, who loves you, unconditionally. Or having a huge group of friends who think you’re super cool or a virtual community online, where you feel like you’re at home.

I think I’ve tried them all, well, except for having the dog. I think it might be the answer to my search of filling the empty spaces in my life. I’m not too sure whether I have turned into a maniac already or if there’s still hope for me.

All I really know is, I am out of a miserable relationship, ready to enter into one. And this time, I’m not going to try to find the right one. I’m just going to not be in a relationship for as much time as possible. I’m not going to succumb to the innumerous perks a relationship offers – insecurities, misunderstandings, restrictions, loyalty and what not!

Ah, who the hell am I kidding! I love it all. I love it how it feels when you’re sharing your life with someone. I think it gives a lot of life to my life. I love the attention. I love taking care of someone. I love it when pretty dates happen with pretty drives. And don’t you just love the way it feels when you kiss someone you love. I think there’s nothing in the world that can be a better thing.

Guess, I’m just a sucker for love.

Getting by!

It’s time I let go.
It’s time I see the end of my pain
You’ve made your mistakes
 Over and over again
You’ve made a fool
Out of us and what we shared
For the things you’ve done
I found a remedy which is only fair.
I’ve decided to forgive you
I’ve decided to move on
I’ve decided you’re not worth it
I’m sending you back to the world you belong.
I gave you all I could
And I took none
You don’t think I always knew
That I was always better that you?
But I let you be
The most important thing to me
And now I’m dropping you
For you’ve fallen down
To be a person I could never expect
Long ago, you’d lost my love
This time, you lost the respect.