Thursday, February 26, 2009


That’s all that matters– to him and me.

He reaches me like a tiny glint.

In the vindictive shadows of eerie reminiscences!

So full of himself, so quenched!

In his vicinity I’m a mile away

From qualms and murky pains.

His snicker is the sand of bliss.

His swear- an endearing feat.

None can get over his tone-

When he wants something and mopes for it.

It’s not viable for you to plead your case.

That smile could bring slaves of Athens to verve.

Obstinate enough to make you solicit,

Too much for himself to contain.

He owns me- this clueless charmer.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


Sparkling from the sinister night-
A spoon of condemned smile
A gulp of sore water,
Touching the withered skin of my hands.
The sigh of the forlorn bird-
Far away in some distant land,
Surrendering to the loss of the new born
Still it has music of its own.
The question hangs in the secured air.
There have been eons; none like this.
Trickling down my eyes some balmy fluid;
Still no liberation from the jinxed knots.
Time is dancing a massacre of its own.
Ever-lasting-the silhouette of doom;
I call for a glimmer of optimism.
But there’s zilch. There will be zilch.

A bucket of blood.

Dad’s in the hospital. This is the third time since last month that we took him to the emergency. This time and the last time, it was me who decided he should be rushed to the hospital. He was shivering today, in the afternoon, at about 2. Shivering and unconscious. And he had these purple semi-circles on his eye-lids. Last time was more difficult. I saw him vomit blood. A bucket of blood.

I think I’m never going to forget the dream I saw that morning. Early Monday morning, the 2nd of February. I saw a lady, a holy lady, one who looked like Mother Teresa in the same adornment. My selfish instinct, I asked her, Will I be fine? She replied, “Oh yes! You’ll be okay.” The next question did surprise me a bit, “Will ma be okay?” She put a divine smile on her face and it glowed, “yes honey, God will take good care of her.” And then came the Big question, “My dad will be alright, na?” And she smiled. I was shouting, “Will he be okay?” She smiled. I shouted again. And then there was darkness. I can never forget that smile, it haunts me sometimes. I woke up with a bang on my door. The bang marked the pandemonium. I then knew he was never going to be the same.

I love my Dad.
It took me a world to type these three words. My dad has been my life support system. No words. Simply no words to describe what he is for me. Never in his life did he tell anyone that he was in pain. By no means, in no way. But I know his suffering had augmented severely since the last month. But he’d never tell. What took all of me was the way he used to look at me. He told me he didn’t want pain no more.

I miss my dad. Now he’s nothing but pain. His pain, my pain, our pain.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Back to the Scratch...

Once again Life has brought me to an exit. Yes, yes there’s a door too. I always knew this would happen, didn’t I? I’ll get over things, who doesn’t? But why in a convoluted way? Why can’t things be simple for me? I feel like I’ve been scuffling with a number of issues at the same time. Nothing new. I think it’s perfect. Let’s just give life the throw this time. I haven’t been able to set the air my way anyways! I think I’ll just go where it takes me. Getting hurt is a habitual feat now. Arising from the marred has been the same. Let the flute play. Let love come along again. Don’t I just love being in love?!