Borrowed love.

Tonight I see no light,
Tonight is the night of sheer despair.
You know I've been walking through this tunnel
Since a long time now, through thin, cold air.

I see no path my feet can take.
I see no hands to guide, I see no friend.
I see no love, no sight of lush.
Now that my struggle has come to an end.

I see only dark, sorry and pain.
Tonight I ask you to lend me your eye,
Tonight I ask you to hold my hand,
To take me in your arms, and ask me to cry.

Be my knight, salt away me from my doom,
Give me some love, show me some care,
Embrace me in your arms and say-
"Baby, life's not been fair."

The things you did.

To the best mother in the whole world.. you hold my heart forever..

I don't know where to start from. Why? I have no idea. I have no idea about everything these days. And I don't have ears enough, or, nears enough. I remember images of you. Working in the kitchen, oiling my hair, making me study, scolding me, hugging me, kissing me, singing me to sleep, taking me places and what not!

It's terrible, ma. Life without you. Im just running away from the reality. Sometimes I pretend this is all a dream, and the moment i open my eyes, I'll find you sitting there in your room waiting for me to wake up. I miss your odor ma. I miss your voice. I miss those windy nights when tamarind branches would strike our windows. I miss your judgment, ma. The way you made me wear things you liked and I hated. The way you made me independent.

Why didn't you teach me how to live without you? Why didn't you ask me to take all the responsibilities and grow up before age? Whose fault is it that I am no good anymore? That I cant take it?

And why the heck did you love me so much? Why couldn't you just send me to a darn hostel and never ask me to come back?
Why were you so proud of me, ma? Why did you appreciate me so much? Why did you admire every little worthless thing I did? Why did you tell the world how responsible and able I was?

I loved the way you teased me. I loved the way you asked me if I had a boyfriend. I loved the way you asked me if I was going out on a date.

It's not fair that I face it all alone. It's not fair. I hate you mom. I hate you for making me do this. I hate you for leaving me alone. I hate you for making me grow up. I hate you for taking away all the happiness from my life.

And I hate you for making me realise what you meant to me. That I can never be happy the way I was.

Ive seen you die, baby. Ive seen you going ill. Ive seen the fear in your eyes. Ive seen your spirit fading, your strength smoothing. Nothing more in life can bother me more. Still, every time
I looked at you, I prayed to God that all I want in life is to see your face every morning and night. I have no idea how I'd spend my life. Whether I'd fulfill your expectations or not. Whether I'd make up to your standards or not.

People say I resemble you. I know I don't. I cannot be even half of the fine of a lady that you were. There were so many things you were doing to teach me ma, wheres the deal?

I cannot say stuff. I cannot speak to people. I cannot tell what I'm going through. How you cared, sweety! How you knew I had a problem!

All I want from you is to come in my dreams every night. Or.

Love.

It is just like the time after it rains. The feeling right after your thirst is quenched. You look into his eyes and you think the world is alright. Your soul seems to wake up when he calls your name. You tell yourself hundred thousand times that you have nothing but hatred for him, but its there, the tiny little feeling in your very own rebellious heart that tells you, you still care. That feeling makes you reach out to him setting apart all ego and grudges. And when he comes to you, you forget the world, you forget yourself. And then, its like you're beyond living a dream. You think you can take over life and face all the blizzards. You know such a person? Go grab him. You lost such a person?
Go grab him.

Pieces of my heart

It started with you.
Sleep and rise,
You were always with me.
Staring at me with those lovable eyes.
Leaving me tingled,
With feathered fires.
You entered my dreams.
You raided my desires.
The way you made me feel bold,
And held, and cared for.
Your fingers touching mine,
Always left me craving for more.
Then the day your lips touched mine-
They say you're taken to another world.
You owned me right there.
You captured my heart. Left me curled.
There was no way out.
I wanted your warm pool of love.
I wanted you more. More of them charms.
Wanted those hands on my waist forever.
Wanted that hold, those strong arms.
And then one day I found myself,
Walking along that snow laid path,
Cold and miser, alone and in pain,
On my heart were signs of your rose wrath.
My sun was born again with your sunshine face,
And you walked me with baby steps.
I was alive again with your trace,
I was madly in love with you, you see.
My world turns around, my tears find their way,
And my blisters turn green, my miseries laugh.
Every time you say you're my friend,
Don't you see love, I can never have you half.

My love.

One day baby,

made me realise.

One day, sugar, to open my eyes.

We don't fall in love sweet,

We only rise.

Ma.

You have no idea what’s happening to me. You have no idea what you’ve made me go through. You have no idea what its doing to me. It’s almost like you…reaching the dead end. Calm in the out, tempest in the inside. I don’t know whether I have your courage to survive through this. You were my best friend, my philosopher, my guide, my life. Your face is like the moist covering my eyes. You, ma, will never leave my life. I see how neatly you’ve put all those shiny clothes you wanted me to have, I see how neatly you have kept those shawls. I see how carefully you have conserved your wedding dress. I see how finely you’ve kept our home. I see how you’re watching every step that him taking and removing any hurdles. But what about you, ma? I know how you loved rain. And how it rained the very next day. I love our home ma. I love my brother. I’m taking care of him, or more, he’s taking care of me. I know how you’d have wanted us to live together. But I’m naught without you ma. I miss you. I miss crying my heart out. I miss seeing you and Dad together. I miss watching your love. I miss the way you used to wait for me. I miss the way you cared, the way you fed, the way you clothed me. I miss your kisses. I miss your hugs. I miss your sweet voice. I miss your sweet teases. I miss you. The best mother in the whole world. You hold my heart forever.

The Pole.

It happens with time, and it happens with words. It is a sequence of consecutive lies, sorrows, hopes, miseries, pain and loves. You break your bone and you stand back. And then you fall again. Profound as it is, it is not happening only with you. A man walking down the street is not aware of the fact that a microsecond later his body will be in a pool of blood since the pole that he was struck with was meant to be repaired by the electrician who did not come to work that day since his wife left him for another man who got rich by winning a lottery after picking up a chit of mere paper thrown by a kid whose father had just died because of a stupid wrecked pole. It’s all in a jinxed link.

My miseries might be the consequence of your actions, but they’re completely my responsibility. So when it comes to going through and winning over them, it’s the player in me that is going to sieve through the stiff times. And come out, without getting struck by a pole.

Serpent in Paradise

The bright gleam of a sunny day

The gloom of a dark demise

The green grass, a pink orchid

A serpent in paradise.

The shimmering blue of a hopeful ocean

A wrecked ship full of dead knights

The golden grains of holy sand

A serpent in paradise.

The red of a rose, the pale of an old man

The death of a rainbow butterfly

The blush of a candle, the pink of my love

A serpent in paradise.

Distance.

I pick up my phone and my fingers move

Like they feel and know what to do

They dial your number in a second

Like it has been a life long trend.

And then meets my ears your voice so rose

Miles away…but I feel you so close,

Then you give me a baby treat

Endow me with your love so sweet!

It so makes me wanna be with you…

Show you that my love is true.

Hold you in my arms and sway

Kiss your lips – night and day

Hug you tight whenever you’re around

Stare you in eyes, keep you love-bound.

Play with your cuffs and hold your finger

Keep you close and let your smell linger

Run my tips in your hair

Keep you like a pearl..show you I care.

Be mine…you’re the prince of my dreams.

Cannot stay away any longer it seems!

Come to me and hold your babe.

Give my heart some peace it craves.

Rip open my soul and you’ll see

You and me – will always be we.

20t June 2009

11.40 AM

Tu maane ya na maane Dildaara

Rab bande di jaat ikko
Jyon kapade di jat hai roon
Kapade vich jyon roon hai lukaya
Yoon bande vich too
Aape bolen aap bulave
Aap kare hoon hoon

Tu mane ya na mane Dildara
Asaan ne tennu Rab manya

Das hor keda Rab da dawara
Asaan ne tennu Rab manya

Apne tan ki khaak utaari
Tab ye ishq ki manzil paayi
Meri saanson ka bole iktaara
Asaan ne tennu Rab manya

Tujh bin jeena bhi kya jeena
Teri chaukhat mera madeena
Kahin aur na sajda gawara
Asaan ne tennu Rab manya

Haste haste har gham sehna
Raazi teri raza mei rehna
Tune mujhe sihaya hai yaara
Asaan ne tennu Rab manya

-Wadali Brothers.

Fate~

There's a time in life when one wants to surrender. Since he is too happy or too sad or too demised to extents. At this time he seems to forget anything that could relieve him. He remembers the lost. Just the lost. He cannot accept the fact that it was fate, things had to happen that way. In such times, I repeat to myself, again, yet again, Whatever happens - happens for good.

My mere Life!

Given all taken nothing,
A shy morning humming a string,
Even if it is a new, bright day,
My black heart will always be full of dismay.
Let’s talk not of the green villages,
Haven’t seen any of them since ages,
Talk about the hard, harsh stones,
Talk about misery and pain unknown.
Once there was- a heart to bond,
A smile to glow on face and beyond,
A hand to hold and walk along,
Warmth to wrap a sacred song,
But again, wasn’t I left alone!?
Sensitized, hurt and pain prone!
Inside hollow, outside low,
No tears, no panic, but a ceaseless woe.
Oh pray! To Thee I pray!
Let the clouds of despair fade…
Show me some rose, melt the knife,
Give it some gold- my mere life!

The only song I ever wrote.

I love to breathe
While I’m with you
I love to smile
When I’m talking to you.

I love the air
When it’s got your smell
I love the sky
When it’s over your head.

I love the stars
They remind me of you
I love the lake
It gives me a shadow of you.

I love the flowers
They talk of our love
I love the taste
When you kiss me sweetheart.


Oh baby I love you.
Oh baby I love you.
I love myself
When I’m with you.

Open Door or closed?

At death's door

Once more.

Yet another part of me dies.

The silence that engulfs the tomb of my love

Is taking me towards the darkness again.

How many more blighting assessments?

Hasn’t the countdown begun as yet?

I’m sick of it. The pain, infact, seems to live with me now.

Shares every breath with me, the darned witch.

I’m starting to learn to cut the winds of wretch.

Starting to unfold my wrinkles of misery.

Starting to learn how to dry my eyes.

Starting to pink it again, the walls of my heart.

And it happens quickly.

The rain sets in again. I start to feel the cool.

But why cannot the sunshine be with my shadow?

They have this tiff which smothers me.

I wanna be blithe, you know.

And I wanna be in fine feather.

I wanna have the ace in my hand.

Wish I stand up with every lightening that abashes me to the earth.

Wish I could live staunch with the scars.

Wish I could have a life I can never have.

My Love's lovely love

He wakes me up

With his sunshine smile,

He takes me to

The fairy world for a while,

He kisses me like crazy

And makes me sigh,

He makes me grow

Wings to fly,

He sings me songs

With his voice so sugar,

He pretends to be

In awe with my figure,

He fills me with joy

Upto the brim,

He makes me love

Myself, my life and him!

Breakup Part 2

Its strange...this feeling...

Are you as empty inside as me?

I pretend all the bliss...

All I want is to miss and to be missed.

Are you, too, sad and yearning inside?

Or are you all done with keeping my things aside?

Do you miss the laugter, the peace, the fights?

Do you weep yourself to sleep every night?

Does everything around reminds you of me?

Or are you alrerady trouble free?

I know every bit of this will go...

Your dead love will kill my love so...

All I really wanna ask...

How long will this pain last?

Does it hurt as much as it does to my heart?

Is it not worth a new start?

Tell me one thing I wanna know but can't see...

Sweety, are you over me?

:)

Never thought a song like this would influence me so much.

This and air.

Stays with me.

Maanga jo mera hai...

Jaata kya tera hai...

Maine kaun si tujhse jannat maang lee!

Kaisa Khuda hai tu,

Bas naam ka hai tu,

Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali!

My anguish lies between the offset of summer and the arrival of spring;

My wondering belongs to the aeon of between.

Why was I the witness of a shine and a lush leaf?

I wanted winter. I wanted Me. I wanted him.

...It is when you can't sleep. When you keep thinking about him. When you relate songs to moments spent with him. When you start smiling out of the blue. When you keep looking at his pictures. Keep wondering what he's like. Day-dream of meeting him. It is, when you're hurt. When you want him to be there for you all the time. It is when you experience jealousy for any matter. It is there. It is love.

He.

That’s all that matters– to him and me.

He reaches me like a tiny glint.

In the vindictive shadows of eerie reminiscences!

So full of himself, so quenched!

In his vicinity I’m a mile away

From qualms and murky pains.

His snicker is the sand of bliss.

His swear- an endearing feat.

None can get over his tone-

When he wants something and mopes for it.

It’s not viable for you to plead your case.

That smile could bring slaves of Athens to verve.

Obstinate enough to make you solicit,

Too much for himself to contain.

He owns me- this clueless charmer.